Everyday Liberation: RAIN Mindfulness and the Queer Experience

Let’s face it: our modern world is becoming noisier. We find ourselves having to play first chair in the

grand symphony of notifications, buzzes, and pings. It’s commonplace for downtime to be spent

mindlessly scrolling through our devices, sifting through the chatter in ignorance of the present moment.

It’s difficult to ignore, and even more difficult to traverse this new frontier of near-constant sensory input

and reactivity. It can feel as though everyone expects a response from us all of the time. But

reactivity--the switch perpetually flicked on--isn’t only expected. It’s rewarded.

Here’s an example: the employee quickest to respond to their bosses emails or complete work-related

tasks outside of designated working hours may find themselves in a better position to receive that

upcoming promotion than their fellow coworkers. In this case, reactivity is incentivized, but one must pay

the cost of their own boundaries.

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash.

This isn’t to say that reactivity is always a negative thing. Being able to react swiftly in an unsafe

situation can save lives. For medical practitioners such as emergency room physicians or surgeons, the

capability to act quickly is integral to their profession.

What happens, though, when reactivity goes beyond being the social state we all live in--and whose

consequences we must navigate together--to an emotional state that we remain stuck in?

We’re likely all guilty of it. We lash out in anger. We snap and snark in a fit of irritation. We face

vulnerability and proceed to throw up defense after defense, refusing to lower the drawbridge surrounding

our lonely, but safe, island of guardedness and isolation. Our instinct is natural, but it can also prove

unproductive to peace.

Mindfulness--defined as the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something--originates from

Buddhist and Hindu principles and has been in practice for over 2,500 years. It attempts to explore this

space of reactivity without judgement, to peer beneath the veil and ask: what’s really got you so upset?

Then it goes further: can we sit with it for a moment? It postures awareness and gentle exploration at the

very forefront.

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash.

Michele McDonald, a well-respected meditation instructor, outlined the RAIN mindfulness techniques

nearly twenty years ago. Those struggling with feelings of anxiety and depression, or those simply

agitated with the stress of living in our fast-paced world, may find them a helpful daily exercise, and

eventually, a way of life. The practice involves four elements, listed as follows:

Recognize: consciously acknowledge the emotions, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors you’re being

affected by. Say hello. If you’re experiencing anger, allow yourself to recognize and name the anger

without jumping to judgement.

Allow: allow the emotions, thoughts, feelings, and sensations to be present. Allow said anger to exist in

its own space.

Investigate: with kindness and curiosity, investigate what most needs attention. Ask questions such as:

where am I experiencing this in my body? What physical sensations does it carry? What is this feeling

asking of me?

Non-identification: be the observer of your thoughts and emotions without identifying with them, or

consequentially, identifying with your judgement of them. Witness your feelings without tethering them

to your character.

RAIN mindfulness meditation is the antithesis of reactivity. When difficult or overwhelming emotions

arise, it asks us to press pause on the constant buzzing of both our inner and outer worlds. Then, it asks us

what new, beautiful song we found in the stillness.

While this practice is beneficial for everybody, RAIN mindfulness and its centering of compassion may

be especially helpful for LGBTQ+ folks. To elaborate, the Anxiety and Depression Association of

America estimates that between 30 and 60 percent of LGBTQ+ people experience depression and anxiety

at some point in their lives. To put this into perspective, this is 1.5 to 2.5 times higher than the rates of

anxiety and depression in straight or gender-conforming people. This phenomena, in part, has to do with

what psychologists refer to as minority stress, a process of dealing with persistent prejudice and

discrimination.

Moving through the world as a queer person often involves some level of scanning your surroundings,

determining whether or not it’s safe to live authentically. This procedure of surveillance is even more

pertinent to queer people of color. Through a queer lens, the RAIN mindfulness techniques adopt a special

significance. As queer people, our identities often require us to work through the feelings of shame, guilt,

and fear that accompany going against social and cultural norms. Over time, it can prove difficult to

separate these feelings from our identities, especially if one is living in unsafe conditions. A tangled web,

indeed.

This is where the processes of recognizing, allowing, investigating, and non-identification become so

salient. We can name and greet our shame, guilt, and fear without inviting them to stay. We can witness

our shame, guilt, and fear without tethering them to our sexualities or gender identities. We can carve out

space to feel our shame, guilt, and fear without immediately reacting to them or declaring them true. We

can find a moment to be still with our shame, guilt, and fear, and then practice walking away.

Practice is the operative word here. For some, self-compassion is a life-long endeavour. RAIN

mindfulness gives us the guidelines to begin, continue, and come back to a place of acceptance. For

marginalized people, self-acceptance is always an act of resistance. A small, everyday liberation, which is

ultimately a big one.

Recognize. Allow. Investigate. Non-identify.

What do you find underneath the noise?

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